The Quiet Struggle Beneath the Surface
Understanding High Functioning Anxiety
Does This Sound Familiar?
You’re juggling responsibilities, checking tasks off your to-do list, and keeping your relationships afloat—all while a quiet, uneasy feeling hums beneath the surface. On the outside, you look composed, calm, and even accomplished. Inside, though, it feels like you’re one slip away from everything unravelling. The worry, doubt, and restless energy never seem to turn off.
If this resonates with you, you might be experiencing something called high functioning anxiety—a challenge that affects many women who feel the pressure to “keep it all together.”
What Is High Functioning Anxiety?
High functioning anxiety might not be an official medical diagnosis, but it’s a real struggle that many women face. While anxiety in its more familiar forms might visibly interfere with daily life, high functioning anxiety tends to stay hidden behind constant productivity and the appearance of success.
You might look like you’ve got everything under control—at work, in your family, or with your commitments. But behind the scenes, you’re battling self-doubt, perfectionism, or a relentless fear of failure. As one of my clients once said: "I seem fine to everyone around me, but inside, it feels like I’m always on the verge of unraveling. It’s like a storm quietly brewing under the surface."
Signs You Might Be Experiencing High Functioning Anxiety
Here are some common signs that high functioning anxiety might be playing a role in your life:
Mental and Emotional Patterns:
Constant overthinking or replaying past situations in your head
A drive for perfection that leaves you feeling exhausted or “never enough”
Worrying about the future or what others think of you
Difficulty making decisions, even when simple choices feel overwhelming
Feeling like you can’t turn off your racing thoughts
Physical Clues from Your Body:
Struggling with sleep—either falling asleep, staying asleep, or feeling rested
Frequent tension in your shoulders, neck, or jaw (hello, headaches!)
Feeling on edge—even when everything seems "fine"
Digestive discomfort that flares up when you’re stressed
These physical and emotional symptoms aren’t random—they’re your body’s way of telling you that it’s stuck in overdrive. But the good news? It doesn’t have to stay this way.
Where Does High Functioning Anxiety Come From?
To understand why you might feel this way, it helps to look at what might be driving it. High functioning anxiety often stems from a mix of:
Early Life Experiences: Were you praised for being “a good girl” who always excelled in school or took care of everyone’s feelings? Many women with high functioning anxiety grew up in environments where love was tied to achievement or responsibility.
People-Pleasing and Perfectionism: If you learned to put others’ needs above your own, you might have developed a habit of saying “yes” at the expense of your own peace.
Your Body’s Stress Response: When you live in a state of constant stress or self-pressure, it can feel like your nervous system is stuck in high alert, making it hard to relax—even when the pressure eases.
Over time, these patterns can create a cycle where you keep pushing yourself, internally exhausted but unable to stop.
Why the Usual Advice Often Falls Short
If you’ve tried traditional self-help strategies for anxiety—like thinking positive thoughts, talking it out, or even just “powering through”—you might wonder why you’re still stuck in this cycle. The truth is, these strategies often overlook a critical piece of the puzzle: your body.
Anxiety isn’t just something you “think” your way out of. It’s something you feel in your body, whether it’s that tightness in your chest, the knot in your stomach, or the tension in your jaw. To truly move out of anxiety, we have to address what’s happening both in our thoughts and in our physical response to stress.
Gentle, Whole-Body Approaches for Relief
The good news? There are practical, compassionate tools that can help you feel calmer and more grounded—without needing to overhaul your entire life. Here are a few simple strategies you can start with:
1. Daily Nervous System-Calming Practices
Your nervous system thrives on routines that signal safety and ease. Start small with:
Morning ritual (5 minutes): A few nourishing breaths, gentle stretches, or humming can help calm your body’s pace as you start the day.
Midday reset (3 minutes): Place a hand over your heart and take slow breaths while silently affirming, “I’m safe right now.”
Evening wind-down (10 minutes): Try progressive muscle relaxation by tensing and releasing different parts of your body, or unplug from screens an hour before sleep.
These small acts might seem simple, but they build up over time to retrain your body’s stress response.
2. Tapping (EFT) for Real-Time Anxiety Relief
Emotional Freedom Techniques (EFT), or tapping, is an incredibly powerful tool for calming anxious feelings and reconnecting with your inner calm. This simple practice combines tapping on specific points on your body while gently acknowledging your emotions. Here’s how you can try it:
Name your anxiety: Notice where you feel tension or unease.
Rate the intensity: On a scale of 0-10, how strong does it feel right now?
The affirmation: Start by tapping the side of your hand (between your wrist and pinky) and say something like: "Even though I feel this tension, I deeply and completely accept myself."
The tapping sequence: Tap gently on these points while focusing on your anxiety:
Top of your head
Inner eyebrow
Side of the eye
Under the eye
Under the nose
Chin point
Collarbone
Under the arm
Invite a gentle, deep breath, check in with how you feel, and repeat as needed. Tapping isn’t about forcing your emotions away—it’s about honoring them while letting your body find a new way to respond.
3. Building Boundaries Around Perfectionism
Perfectionism can often show up disguised as “being responsible” or “caring for others,” but it can come at a cost if you’re never saying “no.” When you start to notice the signs of overwhelm (a clenched jaw, shallow breathing, or that familiar sense of dread), try pausing before you commit to something. Practice saying:
“Let me think about this and get back to you.”
“I’m not able to take that on right now.”
It takes practice, but each “no” creates space for your wellbeing to shine.
A Compassionate Invitation
High-functioning anxiety isn't a sign that you're broken—it’s a sign that your nervous system has been working overtime to keep you safe. But it is possible to move from high alert into a state of calm clarity—without pushing harder or pretending everything’s fine.
If you’re a businesswoman or coach who’s constantly holding space for others while managing your own quiet storm underneath, I invite you to book a free consultation with me.
In this gentle, personalized session, we’ll explore the emotional patterns affecting your nervous system and your business, uncover hidden stress loops, and reconnect you with your sense of calm purpose. No pressure, no performance—just insight and support tailored to you.
You don’t have to hold it all together alone. Your next chapter can be rooted in calm—and rising with clarity.
With care and support,
🌿 Kay
Thanks for reading Empowered EFT with Kay!
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